Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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