I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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