So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
