hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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