halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
