I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
