They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
