Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
