i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
