I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
time to smoke my breakfast
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
