How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
