My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
