his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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