I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize