Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
