My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
