sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
