im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
