Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
