i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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