Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
