I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
