Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
