the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
