I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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