VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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