yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I want a musical about memes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
