mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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