Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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