drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
