Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
