Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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