Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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