dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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