I think my fart just growled at me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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