capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He shit in the fireplace
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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