sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
