im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize