I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
