According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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