sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
