I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
