tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
