I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
