Your tits are I can't wait for
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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