my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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