you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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