so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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