Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
