if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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