Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
