Soap is not a condiment
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
