That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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