I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
