So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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