my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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