cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
