this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
