exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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