Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
