its not stalking. its research.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
