there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
