Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
