Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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