I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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