How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
