Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize