Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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