we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
