I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
