But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
