But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
