I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
